Deviant Paradigm: Of The Wolf Within
Random garbage. Remarks about the comic Deviant Paradigm, notes about my life, comments about politics. This is my place to rant and rave. Fear this, World! FEAR IT!

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Nickname: Avvy
Age: 24
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Technomancer and troubleshooter by trade. Programmer by choice. Creator of Deviant Paradigm, somewhat by accident.

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Dilemma
Bah. The problem with having your blog publicly attached to you whereever you go is that when you want to say something that might concern one of your friends, you have no idea if they will read it or not; just that the possiblity is there... Oh well, it's not like I have much to hide anyway. If I'm damned for this, so be it.

Nice that Pandora's supporting me. It just started playing "So Hard" by the Petshop Boys. *grin*

I'm beginning to wonder at the coincidence of my old friend finding me. You see, I figured she decided to search for everybody that liked, oh, say, Depeche Mode. Now I've learned that Facebook only searches one college at a time for something specific like that (BTW, all the female Depeche Mode fans in Omaha, and the others I've seen, look to be fairly attractive. I wonder if I can draw some sort of conclusion from this). Now that's not strictly true... But otherwise we're looking at more than 500 search results. This is a strong indication that she randomly searched for me specifically. Either that or the coincidences mount in a disturbing manner, but one I'm not totally unfamiliar with. I'm not sure which is more likely actually. Maybe I should ask her how she ran across me in Facebook. That would solve that problem.

The real dilemma is something else. Now, I'd like to see her again, just at least to rekindle a friendship left alone for twelve years. I don't figure this would be that hard--I just take off some weekend that she goes to visit her grandparents and I go back to the home region of the state and stop by. But I'm also tempted to have an ulterior motive. Mathis suggested that I "hook up with her," advice that I kind of want to follow. After all, I am a highly lonely guy who just got contacted out of the blue by an old friend who just so happens to be a beautiful, single woman. Not just that, but I rather had a schoolboy crush on her (I recognize now, years after the fact) long ago, and it's one that I've never quite lost. I looked up to her a lot back then. She seemed so much older and more mature, much more than just eleven months worth. I somehow doubt that she's changed from the take-charge girl that she was -- just the sort of thing I'd like to both draw out and temper my more aggressive aspects. Another coincidence that is not lost on me is that she lives right at the very edge of my dateable radius. Actually, I called that one well before I looked it up. I was not very surprised. It's exactly the sort of horrible coincidence that my powers produce. This brings up another problem -- she lives far enough away to not serve a very good purpose as a lap warmer when we watch movies here in the lounges. Not that I'll have time for movies later this semester anyway and since when have I gotten everything I wanted, eh? The other thing is that I don't want to risk totally killing any hope of rekindling our friendship because I want to press it into something more. See my dilemma? And it doesn't help that I notice things that I read into far too much (I could swear that when she got a hold of me this last weekend, her Facebook profile listed her as looking for "Friendship and Random Play" and now "Relationship" is in there too. It could just be my faulty memory, but I distinctly remember thinking that that was too bad, but I could understand since she was looking for work and couldn't know where she'd end up; so a relationship would only make things more complicated).

*sigh*
So, uh, any advice from the rest of you?

1 Comments:

  • At 2:35 AM, January 21, 2006, Blogger Jason said…

    If that is the only thing you are reading in to, then don't. That in itself is nothing. If you are having daily MSN conversations that seem to... be questionable... then there might be something there. Take the relationship at face value. You were friends, be friends again. If you are still similar enough to be friends, then there is a chance for something more, but if you are not capable of being friends, it would not be a good relationship (depending on what you're looking for, but from what I know about you I feel this is an acurate assesment). It is weird but not hard to go from friends to a dating relationship, but it is really hard to go the other way. Be safe and be friends. Don't get your hopes up, but don't forget the golden rule have fun.

     

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