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Technomancer and troubleshooter by trade. Programmer by choice. Creator of Deviant Paradigm, somewhat by accident.
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Friday, December 02, 2005
I have never had the power of coincidence laugh so openly in my face before...
For background, I seem to have enormous powers of disturbing coincidence. I end up with coworkers who fit basic physical descriptions and have a full name, first and last, that is one letter off from that of characters I made up years before.
Freshman year, two weeks before April Fools day, I suggested that it would be a funny prank to have the front desk do a fire drill while Luke was in the shower. Of course, I couldn't pull something like that off. So I forgot about it, until, that is, it was April Fools day and the fire alarm went off. I walked the long way to go past Luke's room (at the time we weren't roommates), so I could complain about it to him. Then he runs up to me, dripping wet, and says fiercely, "I'm going to kill you." I collapsed on the floor laughing. Turns out some construction workers cutting copper pipe had just happened to trigger the fire alarm at the same time Luke was showering.
Freshman summer, I was watching Soul Assassin, which is a pretty run-of-the-mill action movie from Europe, nothing special. Except it featured the first cool gay character I'd ever seen. Up until then, the only gay characters I'd see were out of things like "Will and Grace," you know, the kind of characters that make you want to beat gays severely with chains and cattle prods (since Sapph backs me up on this, I don't feel bad voicing the opinion). On the other hand, Soul Assassin's gay character is an ex-super hacker who owns a bar and isn't obnoxious. He ends up getting killed by the bad guys, which is sad. But back to the point -- after watching the witty, sexualized banter between him and his friend, the main character (who is not gay), I decided that that was the sort of relationship I'd like to have if I ever had any gay friends. So sue me, I find witty, sexualized banter amusing, especially when all parties involved know nothing's ever going to come of it. About two months ago, I realized that's the relationship Sapph and I have. I watched this movie about a year and 9 months before I met him, and I never made any attempt to make our relationship out this way. Just another weird coincidence.
So last week I realize that I haven't tried to invoke my powers of coincidence to get me a date. So I suggest, out loud, that it would be a mighty big coincidence for the girl I rather fancy from class to come out of her place of work (which, I'm pretty sure, coincidentally is right across from the gas station where I have an ATM -- BTW, this is the second gas station I had to find. The one I used to go to is, coincidentally, gone.) to discover that her car won't start, and I'm across the street getting cash, notice her plight, and jumpstart her car. This gives me the kick in the head I need to ask her out, we go out, fall in love, etc.. You know the story. Anyhow, I'm in class today, when she states she's missing something because it's in her car. Now I know what you're thinking, "So what, what's all this have to do with your long-winded story?" Just one thing. She doesn't have her stuff because it's in her car, which is at the shop -- having a new battery put in. There goes the jumpstart icebreaker, eh? Like I said, I've never had coincidence laugh so openly in my face. Obviously I can't abuse my power, and it only works when I don't think it will. Damnation. Why can't this be easy?
-- Update 12/2/2005 3:08 PM --
It occurs to me that I've been stabbed in the back by coincidence before. Back in high school, just to further mock my crush on the Dark One it granted her a past as a old school platform gamer. In fact, the one game she always recalled with fondness was Duke Nukem. Duke bloody Nukem. It was always like God was establishing how close she was to perfect, then pointing out that she never had any intention of dating me. Though at the time, I probably deserved it. So what did I do to deserve the wrath of coincidence this time?