I have never had the power of coincidence laugh so openly in my face before...

For background, I seem to have enormous powers of disturbing coincidence. I end up with coworkers who fit basic physical descriptions and have a full name, first and last, that is one letter off from that of characters I made up years before.

Freshman year, two weeks before April Fools day, I suggested that it would be a funny prank to have the front desk do a fire drill while Luke was in the shower. Of course, I couldn't pull something like that off. So I forgot about it, until, that is, it was April Fools day and the fire alarm went off. I walked the long way to go past Luke's room (at the time we weren't roommates), so I could complain about it to him. Then he runs up to me, dripping wet, and says fiercely, "I'm going to kill you." I collapsed on the floor laughing. Turns out some construction workers cutting copper pipe had just happened to trigger the fire alarm at the same time Luke was showering.

Freshman summer, I was watching Soul Assassin, which is a pretty run-of-the-mill action movie from Europe, nothing special. Except it featured the first cool gay character I'd ever seen. Up until then, the only gay characters I'd see were out of things like "Will and Grace," you know, the kind of characters that make you want to beat gays severely with chains and cattle prods (since Sapph backs me up on this, I don't feel bad voicing the opinion). On the other hand, Soul Assassin's gay character is an ex-super hacker who owns a bar and isn't obnoxious. He ends up getting killed by the bad guys, which is sad. But back to the point -- after watching the witty, sexualized banter between him and his friend, the main character (who is not gay), I decided that that was the sort of relationship I'd like to have if I ever had any gay friends. So sue me, I find witty, sexualized banter amusing, especially when all parties involved know nothing's ever going to come of it. About two months ago, I realized that's the relationship Sapph and I have. I watched this movie about a year and 9 months before I met him, and I never made any attempt to make our relationship out this way. Just another weird coincidence.

So last week I realize that I haven't tried to invoke my powers of coincidence to get me a date. So I suggest, out loud, that it would be a mighty big coincidence for the girl I rather fancy from class to come out of her place of work (which, I'm pretty sure, coincidentally is right across from the gas station where I have an ATM -- BTW, this is the second gas station I had to find. The one I used to go to is, coincidentally, gone.) to discover that her car won't start, and I'm across the street getting cash, notice her plight, and jumpstart her car. This gives me the kick in the head I need to ask her out, we go out, fall in love, etc.. You know the story. Anyhow, I'm in class today, when she states she's missing something because it's in her car. Now I know what you're thinking, "So what, what's all this have to do with your long-winded story?" Just one thing. She doesn't have her stuff because it's in her car, which is at the shop -- having a new battery put in. There goes the jumpstart icebreaker, eh? Like I said, I've never had coincidence laugh so openly in my face. Obviously I can't abuse my power, and it only works when I don't think it will. Damnation. Why can't this be easy?

-- Update 12/2/2005 3:08 PM --
It occurs to me that I've been stabbed in the back by coincidence before. Back in high school, just to further mock my crush on the Dark One it granted her a past as a old school platform gamer. In fact, the one game she always recalled with fondness was Duke Nukem. Duke bloody Nukem. It was always like God was establishing how close she was to perfect, then pointing out that she never had any intention of dating me. Though at the time, I probably deserved it. So what did I do to deserve the wrath of coincidence this time?

7 Comments:

• At 5:05 PM, December 04, 2005,  Unknown said…

  What did you do? Tried to make it do something specific. Perhaps if you just tried to invoke your powers to do something generic, like "have a relationship fall into your lap" with no specific person, place, or thing in mind you might have better luck. Other then that I really can't offer you much advice or possible assistance as I don't think you would appreciate anything I'm thinking of to help your powers of coincidence.

   

• At 5:17 PM, December 04, 2005,  Avvy said…

  You see the problem with being too generic is that it leaves you with things you don't want. Remember the lessons we learned from the Wishmaker marathons on Sci-Fi.
  1.) Djinn are bastards
  2.) If you don't make sure your wish is very specific, it will end up bad.
  3.) Sci-Fi is willing to play anything during the month of October.

   

• At 5:23 PM, December 04, 2005,  Avvy said…

  I was hoping that by stringing together specifics, I would increase the improbabibility to the point where it would have to happen. After all, having a fire alarm go off on April Fool's day during the fifteen minute period Luke was in the shower was pretty specific.
  
  Personally, I think it was the trying to invoke them that made them fail. If I'd invoked them unconciously, it might have worked better.

   

• At 5:24 PM, December 04, 2005,  Unknown said…

  Well, then I guess the only thing you did differently this time was hope that it would actually happen, instead of it just being a passing thought with no real ambitions to see it through to it's fruition.

   

• At 5:29 PM, December 04, 2005,  Avvy said…

  Yeah, quite possibly. Oh well, it's not like I've got time to pursue a relationship right now anyway. All I have to do is find a way to manage the soul-shattering lonliness until I do have the time without losing what shreds of sanity I currently cling to. After all, I've made it this far, haven't I?

   

• At 6:16 PM, December 04, 2005,  Unknown said…

  This is true. And just because I feel the need to point this out every time you feel sorry for yourself, you could've had me ya know. You really could've, but nooooooooo.

   

• At 6:26 PM, December 04, 2005,  Avvy said…

  And there are women you could have had in the past. I suppose that is is true that I'm alone simply because I have the quirky trait that I'm only physically attracted to the opposite gender. Let's be honest here, Sapph. Wouldn't you rather have what you have now than be dating a very physically and mostly mentally disinterested me?

   

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